Because God is Love.

For pretty much as long as I remember, I have been trying to figure out the way my brain works. I will be the first one to admit that my brain is just plain crazy. When guys always complain that they don't understand girls, I always think about how weird my brain is and then feel bad that if all girls brains are like mine then there really is no hope for guys. But it's becoming a little clearer:

1) I am never just thinking in present time. From minute to minute I am in this time warp, thinking about the present, but remembering the past, and imagining the future, all at the same time.

2) BUT when I think about the future, I never see the big picture. I pretty much just see a huge question mark for anything pertaining to actually important future concerns. But if you want to know what my future imaginary house looks like I can totally tell you.

3) I am never thinking about just one thing. If we are having a conversation, just know that I sincerely am listening to you, but I am also thinking about other things too. (If I ever ask you to repeat something, it might be because my brain was talking louder than you were at the moment.) This is how I end up laughing at wildly inappropriate moments. Like in 8th grade when we were having a serious discussion about suicide... Mrs. Braxton stopped the class to ask me what I thought was funny and then made me explain how my brain went from suicide to whatever was making me laugh. It was like an 11 step process to make that jump.

4) I think really fast but I have THE HARDEST TIME putting my thoughts into words. You will know this if we have ever had a conversation. I think part of the problem is that I am also thinking about other things when I am talking so I get easily distracted.

5) I am generally pretty quiet when I meet new people or I am in new situations. I have to stop and mentally process. I have to read people. I have to figure out what kind of person they are and how to deal with the words they are saying. I really only become comfortable with people, when I know them well enough to read their expressions, and their tone, and their word choice, and their actions. It's a pretty slow process.

6) Once I do figure someone out, the funniest thing is when something they do/say surprises me. I love that.

7) I surprise myself sometimes. I think the reason why I laugh at my jokes is because I say them before I have fully processed them, and so it surprises me how funny they are. (Usually, others don't agree.)


So that's my brain in a nutshell.

Posted in: on Sunday, May 23, 2010 at at 9:01 PM