weeping willow.

This is an unprecedented second blog post in the same day.

Lately, everytime I hear of the way God is moving in people's lives I just want to break down and weep. I don't know why. Maybe God is trying to change my personality into a more feminine one. It would be nice to not feel like a robot. But I digress; I am kind of concerned that my inability to cry stems from some subconscious pride. Like I don't want to cry because I am not willing to be broken. I sincerely hope that is not the case. I want to be so fragile in His hands.

not finished with me yet

So a lot of what I have been thinking about lately, is what kind of person/friend/neighbor (and God-willing wife/mother) I want to become. The answer is simple: I want to be the awesomest one ever. Please excuse my humility. But really, here are some characteristics that I realized are so important to me:

Hospitality- I want to be able to share my home with anyone and everyone. If you have ever been my Sunday School teacher then I have invaded your house unannounced from time to time to talk or play games (one of my favorite memories ever is of playing Loaded Questions with the Olivers one night) or maybe even steal your food. I love that and I am so thankful for that time. I want to be the person that greets everyone who enters my house with a hug, because I want them to know how sincerely glad I am to be spending time and sharing my home with them.

Healthy - I wholeheartedly wish that my parents had made an effort to teach me to eat well from an early age. Maybe then I wouldn't have such a pension for sweet tea or really, sweet anything. I am just lucky that I didn't end up to be a whale. I really love to cook so if I have a family they will be taught to eat and love my healthy cooking from a early age. (I totally plan on being the mom that sends their whole family (husband included) with homemade lunches including an embarrassing note declaring my love for them.)

Holy - This is all God's doing, but for my part I do not want to do anything that detracts from his purification of the scum that I am. Which means, maybe not watching all of the TV shows or movies that I would want to watch, because I know that hearing the f-bomb 50 thousand times makes me start thinking the f-bomb in my head and God forbid I actually say that word and then inevitably the children (that I may or may not have) will repeat it often and loudly, especially in church. I want to live in a way that reflects my belief that God is absolutely the best choice and He is the only thing that is good.

Happy (Joyful) - So here is my confession: I am prone to negativity. It doesn't happen often, but when it does... So I want to make the choice to not dwell on the negative (even if it's totally valid). Not everyone needs to or wants to know what I am going through. Better yet, I want to surround myself with reminders of the positive: all the wonderful things that God has done for us. And I shouldn't even need that, because he died on the cross for me. Seriously, what more can I ask for?