mommy dearest

Here is the reason why (if I ever become a mom) I believe I will be a mom to about 15 children:

Today, I set out to cook a pasta recipe. It said six servings. I said awesome, now I don't have to cook for the rest of the week, I can just eat some healthy, tasty leftovers. So I made the recipes with some minor improvements (adding all of my favorite vegetables and adding turkey pepperoni and some chicken -to keep me from getting all anemic on everything)), little did I know that I was cooking enough for an army. I ate about 1/20th of my concoction and was completely and totally full.

Yesterday, I decided to make banana pudding. Well I made it and it filled up the largest tupperware container we have. I think I have eaten less than 1/6th of it and I have already had two servings!

I am ridiculous. I accidentally cook way more than I need all the time. And that is why I am going to be the mother 0f a billion children.

The reason why I am not fit to be the mother of any children:

I still regularly have nightmares. Ones that scare me so badly that I have to get up and turn on every light and check every nook and cranny for monsters or people wanting to kill me.

I also believe that if any part of my body is sticking out from under the covers then the bad people will know I am there and come kill me.

What kind of mother will I be? My kids will be crying but I will be to scared to get out of bed to come check on them. Or they will come and tell me about their nightmare and I will start crying because it scared me.


Lets just say that I texted the wrong person a detailed description of what coffee does to my body sometimes. Wow. I am still cringing. Now I have to avoid this person forever.

thou shall not covet...

Man, I want an Aggie ring. So bad. I keep meeting people and then staring at their fingers to see if the magical event occurred last Friday for them. I am not totally sure when I will be getting one, but it's kind of scary. Because then you are like legit and official and almost out of here. Weird.but wonderful.

In other news, a very sad thing happened today. I had my first cooking failure. Not like I burned the kitchen down or anything, but I just did not like what I cooked. Oh well, the roomies are probably happy that I am donating my food to them. For the record Hoisin is spicy. People who do not love spicy food, should not use it to cook with.

I am very ready for summer. I don't completely know why, because I am still taking classes so it won't be much of a break but still. Summer is such a lovely time, with all the sunshine and the being outside and ice cream and fruit and salad. It will be kind of weird to experience an empty Aggieland. Luckily I have some dear friends who will be enjoying summertime with me!

set apart eating.

So one of the things that God has been teaching me lately is that there need to be obvious differences between my life and life the way the world does it. God has shown me so many areas that I just naturally assume are ok, because that's the way it has always been, but it should not be so!

Ephesians 5: 8-10

For you once were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord.

So here are my thoughts attempting to find out what pleases the Lord by the way that we deal with food:

We eat junk. So much of what we consume is horrible for our bodies. Soda, cookies, chips, cake, sugar, sugar, sugar, and salt, salt, salt. I personally love soda. To the point where I was mad for a day at the person who drank the Dr. Pepper I won from the bookstore. Love it. But if I know that my body is a temple, and if I know that soda is not good for me, then should I really continue to drink it? I am not good at treating my temple well. I eat junk food and don't work out as much as I should. But if I really believe what God's word says that my body is his temple, the place where he will come to dwell, then how can I continue to treat it so poorly?

1 Corinthians 3:16, 6:19-20; 2 Corinthians 6:16-17; Daniel 1:8-16

We waste so much food. I know I am so guilty of it. I am not the biggest fan of leftovers. I only eat them now because I am a poor college student. But over $100 billion worth of food is wasted each year. I seriously was just sitting here eating leftover rice and my first thought was "gag me" but then I was immediately convicted that there are so many people who don't even have the option to eat leftovers. They don't even have enough to eat in the first place! It just breaks my heart that I am so selfish to not want to eat perfectly good food when 1.05 billion go hungry.

Matthew 25:34-45, Ezekiel 18: 4-9

SO much of what we do revolves around food. We go out to eat for dates, birthdays, any possible event of celebration. There is certainly nothing wrong with that, but is it really necessary? You spend more money and typically the food is not as good for you compared to eating a healthy meal at home.

I definitely feel convicted to just be careful about what I put into my body. Not that I will never do any of these things again. I probably will. And then I will probably feel bad about it. The real point is: I cannot take anything for granted about the way I am supposed to live. I need to give prayerful consideration about how to honor God with my eating. Because He is worth honoring with every part of my life.

a compass. a map. arrows. anything!

These last few days I have been going absolutely crazy. I want to be obedient God, but it's really hard when I don't know where he is calling me! Since I fell in love with my law classes this school year, I just thought "Absolutely, God wants me to be an adoption lawyer!" And I have these great verses like James 1:27, Micah 6:8, and Psalm 99:4 (and others that I just haven't read yet I'm sure) that speak of God's heart for justice and his desire that we help orphans and so it just seems to fit. But law school is stinking expensive. How do I know that I need to spend that money on law school when it could arguably be put to better uses. There are starving children for crying out loud!

Second thing. I realized that I have no idea how to do schoolwork for God's glory. For me it's either spend my time studying hard so that I can get an A or spend all my time neglecting schoolwork because I am just hungry for God. I know there is supposed to be a balance, I just have no idea how to find it! And extreme test week is coming in a week, so I have a need to figure it out very quickly.

Third thing. I have been listening to the Radical series. Oh my gosh, how messed up has my "christianity" been? Why did I ever decide that the crazy things Jesus said weren't to be taken literally? Talk about deception! I was listening today and just inwardly grieving that I am not hated. I have not taken huge risks for Jesus. I would not forsake it all for Jesus. I cannot turn my back on family for Jesus. I don't know how to love him so much that anything else I love looks like hate in comparison. I don't want life to be hard. I have fallen victim to the prosperity gospel and started believing that when you do things right, your life will just be great. Smiles and dancing all the time. But that is not at all what Jesus said or lived! Living should be all about the eternal reward. My life is not even for myself anyway! Who am I to think that I deserve any kind of blessing of comfort? What is wrong with me that I struggle(d) with an eating disorder, when there are people who don't have food to eat?


Psalm 94:19
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought joy to me soul.