If I really...

For a couple of weeks now I have been playing this game with myself where when I come across a situation I think "If I REALLY loved/trusted/believed God what would I do?" Now don't get me wrong, I love God. Or I at least desperately want to. But I am talking about if I was really over the top like crazy in love kind of thing. Basically, it keeps coming back to the same answer each time: I would obey God's word. Wholeheartedly obey. No secret part of me crying out to do my own things and go my own way. I have to die to my flesh.  The other thing is that I have to know God's word. Like know it so well, that somehow [through God working MIGHTILY in my heart, that's how] it becomes instinct to obey instead of to sin.

Tonight at church, our pastor challenged us to examine the areas of our life where we don't trust God. My first thought was "uhhhmmm... probably all of them." That's not exactly true, because God has driven some things into my extremely hard head. But I started thinking of all the times I had played my little game "If I REALLY..." and then didn't follow with what I thought someone that REALLY trusted God would do.

It's no coincidence that this verse was in my QT this week.

Psalm 62: 8
Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.

If I REALLY trusted in God, I would pour out my heart before him at all times. In every season. God would be my refuge. Not my friends. Not alone time. Not working out. God would be my refuge.

What inspires you?

So this weekend I went to the Create Conference in Waco, put on by ACC. Honestly, I wasn't super stoked about it at first, really I was just going because it was my high school besties 21st birthday and she wanted to go so... I tagged along. But, I ended up having a really awesome time, so I am going to tell you all about it.

The whole theme of the conference really resonated with me because I love to be creative and think of new things and new solutions to problems. I would never call myself a creative type though. I am just not artsy chill or supernaturally gifted in artistry and I wear normal clothes mostly. But, God is creative. If you don't believe me, go read Genesis. And then read the rest of the Bible, because he never stops moving. Behold, I am doing a new thing.

One of the big questions of the conference was,

"What inspires you?"
Music. Music inspires me. I get songs stuck in my head like crazy. If I am tired, I sing worship songs in my head until I fall asleep (Does anyone else do that? I am so weird always.). If I need to find joy, I sing worship songs to the Lord. If I am afraid, I sing of the Lord. If i need to find motivation, I listen to music that physically moves me. When I run, I need music to accompany.
I don't make music. I am not a song writer. I am not really gifted with words of any kind actually. But I know that music does something in my soul, so it is super important that I am careful what kind of music I listen to.

Phillipians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

I realized this weekend that I need to know and find what inspires me toward such things.


I change my mind all the time. No joke.

I have to plan things out or I will lose my mind trying to decide what to do with my time. Even now, I have a big fat to do list and that's not even helping because I can't decide what needs to be done first. And so nothing happens. But that's a bunny trail.

I change my appearance all the time too. Do I like my hairs up this week or down? Curly + Poofy or Straight + Frizzy? Should I dye my hair Auburn or Dark Chocolate? So many choices.

The other morning, I was doing my DBRP and I came across this verse:

Psalm 92: 12-15
The righteous flourish like the palm tree and grow like a cedar in Lebanon. The are planted in the house of the Lord; they fluorish in the courts of our God. They still bear fruit in old age; they are ever full of sap and green, to declare that the Lord is upright; he is my rock, and there is no unrighteousness in him.

This is what I want my image to be. Alive, vibrant and fluorishing. Rooted in the Lord. Visibly declaring that the Lord is my God and I know Him.

year two thousand and eleven.

2010 was good. Hard, but definitely sanctifying. I learned a lot about forgiveness after my family seemingly fell apart and then in turn learned a lot about the healing and redemption that accompanies brokenness. Through the blessing of friendship with some very wise women, I learned a lot about what it means to live as a woman of God. Along with that, I figured out that I have a million and a half things to work on before I look like anything close to a wise woman of God. I halfway learned how to use a sewing machine. I know in theory how to rock climb, however in practice its a little ugly. Recently, I learned (very unwillingly) kind of sort of the different parts of a car.

There is still a lot of progress to be made.

The agenda for twenty eleven:

- Become a Better Steward

  1.  Making a budget
  2.  Making purchases in light of eternity
  3.  Let things I have currently wear out before buying something new (Ex. Not buying new jeans until I rip/ can't wear a pair of my old jeans; not buying a new book until I finish all of the others on my bookshelf and/or if buying it is necessary)
  4.  Save money for the future (mom and dad won't keep me on their payroll forever)
  5.  Give as often as possible of my resources:
  •  Time
  •  Offerings
  •  Meals
  •  Gifts
  •  Encouraging Words
  •  Prayer
- Get Serious about Memorizing Scripture
  1. Treasuring God's Truth in Your Heart
  2. History of Redemption
The resource that has given me such inspiration for memorizing scripture is David Platt's (I love him) book, Radical. Platt opened my eyes to the truth that in America bibles can be little more than a novelty, but overseas a bible could cost your life. If someone was to take away my bible, how much of it would I have written on my heart? Ummm... not much.

- Pray Faithfully
  1. Journal daily
  2. Follow the Operation World prayer guide daily
  3. Plan time to pray
  4. Pray in the moment (don't just say, "I will be praying for you" but stop and pray in the situation)
- Be a Planner
  1. Schedule time each week to plan
  2. Pray over my schedule
  3. Plan time to minister
  4. Plan time to study
  5. Plan so that I can use time effectively
  6. Waste less time on facebook, twitter, and blogs. (Except for mine, of course.)
- Buying food
  • Use coupons
  • Buy in bulk less
  • Reduce wasted food ( use fruits and vegetables completely, instead of eating half and the other half getting moldy. gross and not cost effective)
Here's to trying!