Because God is Love.

For pretty much as long as I remember, I have been trying to figure out the way my brain works. I will be the first one to admit that my brain is just plain crazy. When guys always complain that they don't understand girls, I always think about how weird my brain is and then feel bad that if all girls brains are like mine then there really is no hope for guys. But it's becoming a little clearer:

1) I am never just thinking in present time. From minute to minute I am in this time warp, thinking about the present, but remembering the past, and imagining the future, all at the same time.

2) BUT when I think about the future, I never see the big picture. I pretty much just see a huge question mark for anything pertaining to actually important future concerns. But if you want to know what my future imaginary house looks like I can totally tell you.

3) I am never thinking about just one thing. If we are having a conversation, just know that I sincerely am listening to you, but I am also thinking about other things too. (If I ever ask you to repeat something, it might be because my brain was talking louder than you were at the moment.) This is how I end up laughing at wildly inappropriate moments. Like in 8th grade when we were having a serious discussion about suicide... Mrs. Braxton stopped the class to ask me what I thought was funny and then made me explain how my brain went from suicide to whatever was making me laugh. It was like an 11 step process to make that jump.

4) I think really fast but I have THE HARDEST TIME putting my thoughts into words. You will know this if we have ever had a conversation. I think part of the problem is that I am also thinking about other things when I am talking so I get easily distracted.

5) I am generally pretty quiet when I meet new people or I am in new situations. I have to stop and mentally process. I have to read people. I have to figure out what kind of person they are and how to deal with the words they are saying. I really only become comfortable with people, when I know them well enough to read their expressions, and their tone, and their word choice, and their actions. It's a pretty slow process.

6) Once I do figure someone out, the funniest thing is when something they do/say surprises me. I love that.

7) I surprise myself sometimes. I think the reason why I laugh at my jokes is because I say them before I have fully processed them, and so it surprises me how funny they are. (Usually, others don't agree.)


So that's my brain in a nutshell.

Posted in: on Sunday, May 23, 2010 at at 9:01 PM 0 comments    

About two months ago, I heard a really great sermon about prayer. I was instantly convicted, because I have been extremely lazy in my prayer life. I was the kind of pray-er that would say their prayers while falling asleep, so not particularly effective. So the pastor gave this really great idea of a prayer calendar! You divide all your prayers by 7 and then pray for specific things every single day of the week! This was really great because part of my problem was that I just had a lot to pray for and so praying just seemed like an overwhelming task. So now I have my handy dandy prayer calendar and I only have to pray for 8 things every day, instead of 56. Which means that I can pray more thoroughly for everything as well. Another huge benefit is that I am so motivated to pray daily because I don't want to miss a day and not pray for something! Also, because you keep cycling back through each week it is teaching me to be faithful and consistent in prayer. Wow it is so great!

Prayer calendars = highly recommended.

Posted in: on Tuesday, May 18, 2010 at at 11:01 PM 0 comments    

First of all let me say that it is horrifying me to see parents screaming at their children, especially in public. I know there is a need for discipline, but I don't believe that is the way to do it...

While working today I saw the most precious little black boy you have ever seen in your entire life being screamed at for crying. You know one of those situations where the child is upset and so the parent just keeps yelling for them to stop crying which keeps upsetting the child... its a heartbreaking cycle to watch. Which led me to spend the next 20 minutes or so contemplating the best way to kidnap him.

If I ever see that mom again, she better keep a very close eye on her little boy.

Posted in: on Friday, May 7, 2010 at at 7:43 PM 0 comments    

I really don't like making decisions.
Honestly, I would rather just be told what to do.
But I think there is a reason why most girls are indecisive: because we were created to be helpers not leaders.
I only recently realized God's beautiful picture for marriage relationships includes a woman's submission.
I find that to be such a relief.
Seriously how smart is God that he would create us to be helpers and then tell us how to do it?
Brilliant.

Now, because I am unmarried, I have no such agenda for my life. So I have to decide whether to go to law school, and be a lawyer, on my own (with prayer, and wise council from lawyers, church leaders, friends, and the Bible). This is so hard for me. I have two completely different desires within me: 1) Be an adoption lawyer and have the potential/power to defend the orphan and the widow or 2) Be a mom and adopt as many children as we (my possible future husband and I) can afford and parent in a Godly way. I don't know if they go together. Not because they don't have similar goals, but simply the amount of time commitment that is needed in both.

A lot of prayer is going into this decision. All I know to do now is to step out in faith while still prayerfully taking my desires to God and continually asking him to change my desires into His own.

I can trust Him. He is faithful. I know that He has given me his spirit and so I am doing my best to trust that He will show me how to respond.

Posted in: on Tuesday, May 4, 2010 at at 11:19 AM 0 comments    

You can be sure that you have a close relationship with someone when you say things like this:

"Did you just fart? Or was that me?"

My friends are precious.

Posted in: on Monday, May 3, 2010 at at 7:16 AM 0 comments    

This is the first day in two weeks that my days have not been planned out from the minute I wake up until the thirty minutes before I go to bed. I don't know what to do with all this free time! I keep walking to my room to read Revolution in World Missions, and then back out to the living room so I can study, and then to the kitchen so I can clean something. Nothing productive is getting done!

So yesterday, was one of those days that will forever be a spiritual landmarker for me: The day I learned about the poor. Not that I didn't know they existed before, because duh I have eyes. But I never knew how absolutely essential caring for the poor is. I never stopped to think about why God talks about the poor so much or why he promises them blessings to come. I have always been content to sit here and give whatever is easy for me to give. Why? Because I care more about myself than others. I choose my mouth to be fed first.

Listen to: The Gospel Demands Radical Giving

I pray that I will never go back to the way I thought before yesterday. I pray that I will never spend money without considering how it can be better used to serve God's kingdom. I pray that my hurt would not stop hurting for those who are needy. I pray that I would never be satisfied by giving; that I would always want to give more. I pray that you would listen and be moved too.

*Disclaimer: Do not listen to this podcast while you are driving. I am not a crier, and I ended up sobbing while driving along the highway at 75 mph. Not exactly the safest thing. But so worth it.

Deuteronomy 15:11
There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.

Posted in: on Sunday, May 2, 2010 at at 8:46 AM 0 comments