Because God is Love.

I don't even know where to begin...

Ok, let's go back a couple of weeks. I am now going and hopefully soon joining New Life. Everyone there is simply amazing and I already feel such encouragement through this community. The bad part: Everyone is wonderful. Which translated means: I probably am not wonderful, Godly, or knowledgable enough. Which gives you a glimpse into my heart.

There are some very ugly and me-centered things in my heart. I want to be great. I want to be told I am great. I want validation from people. None of those things line up with scripture. Not one.

God is showing me just what he has to do with me. Major surgery. Scooping away my desires and filling me with His instead. Picture a canteloupe. Or pumpkin. Those things are so gross and slimy on the inside.

It will be a life long battle for me. Good thing he is so faithful.

The main thing I have realized through all of this: my sin comes from somewhere. Every single sinful thought I have grows from a very dark root called: not trusting God, not loving God, not enjoying God, not believing God, etc.

Sometimes it makes me incredibly discouraged. I am so stinking filthy what will God ever do with this nasty heart of mine. Other times, I find joy in the fact that God knows all of my thoughts and still loves me perfectly because of Jesus.

Go look up Romans 5:20. I am clinging to Paul's words.

Books that God has used to teach me about this subject: Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges, When I Don't Desire God by John Piper.

Posted in: on Saturday, June 19, 2010 at at 2:59 PM