Because God is Love.

My life is pretty bloggy. By that I mean, I read blogs (stalk would be more accurate, seeing how its mostly people I don't know) and it has caused me to start thinking in blog format. I have mentally blogged the following a thousand and one times but could not tell everyone yet. Here goes:

My summer started off pretty uneventfully, just full of the things listed in my last post. However, it became notably more eventful when my second EEG came back abnormal and I was diagnosed with epilepsy. Just remembering that makes my heart beat faster. I started on some meds and then pretty much fell asleep for the next couple of weeks. My medicine made me so tired that I would sometimes take two or three naps a day and I was still sleeping a good eight or nine hours a night. Flashback to having mono. Still the medicine was NOT helping. My headaches were getting worse and then I saw some of the medicine's side effects when I spent a good hour and a half crying for no stinkin reason and when I suddenly forgot how to spell (I was in the spelling bee every year in elementary school - I know how to spell) and when I forgot how to talk (every thought pretty much ended with the word thing because I couldnt remember what anything was called). So all in all, NOT WORKING. My mom decided to take me to an epilepsy specialist to find out some more info and to figure out how I could better adapt before going back to school. Hedecides to put me in the hospital for a week so that I can be constantly monitored in order to determine what symptoms are indicators that I am having a seizure in my brain. It was fun let me tell you. I feel bad for every person that talked and/or looked at me during that time because I was a big whiny mess. Poor nurses. The end of the week comes and I don't have epilepsy anymore. Now I have a headache disorder exacerbated by stress. I don't know about the stress. I have argued with my mom and with my doctors until I am blue in the face because I absolutely do not believe I am stressed. But I don't have a masters or Phd, so I lose. So who knows what will happen from here... I am sure I will laugh about it one day. I will be talking to my sister and say,"Hey, remember that summer where I had epilepsy and you had to drive me around everywhere?" Her response will probably be either to laugh, glare at me balefully, or burst into tears (because she does that - love you Catherine!).

So now that mess is a little less resolved, but seemingly a little less chronic and less severe.

I just started school yesterday. I always get excited for the first day of school, I don't know why - it's a sickness. Maybe with the exception of the year before I started high school when I cried because I was so scared. This year was accompanied by none of that excitement. Now that I have two days under my belt I am really excited about my classes and schedule. Every year since I started college on the first days of class I always imagine how well I am going to do in each of my classes. Usually in my daydreams I get straight 100s on every exam and my professors praise my genius and my knack for whichever subject. So far, it hasnt happened. But my daydreams still continue and will until they are crushed by my exam grades.

I was planning on writing more, but I think its Jesus time now.

Posted in: on Tuesday, August 31, 2010 at at 4:42 PM 0 comments    

Summer is going by so fast. I have been awful at updating so I decided to just show you what is happening in my life.

Every single day my brother, sister, and I go to Lifetime. I really hate how big and impersonal it is because I am used to the family atmosphere of the YMCA, but lets face it: this gym has everything for everyone. And I like that it's open 24 hours. Because if you ever have to stay up all night, you are going to need some endorphins.

Rock Climbing. I am addicted. I am probably not even as good as the little girl doing it in this picture, but I love it. After about 45 minutes I feel like my arms are going to fall off and I look enviously at the little girls who have unending amounts of energy and can climb walls way harder than the walls I can climb. It's just sad really. But the second I leave I start thinking about rock climbing again and how I wish I was back there and how I know I will be able to finally get to the top this time and how awesome my forearms might look if I could actually commit to this sport.

I have been spending a lot of time reading. And yet I still have a billion more books to read. I just ordered a new library card to spur my reading on even more. Each day I try to read at least a chapter from a book that teaches on general Christian Living, a chapter from a book that teaches me how to fulfill my role as a biblical woman, and of course the Bible. Right now, I am currently going through the bible with the 90 day reading plan. It is wonderful. Each day I realize how much I need the bible to daily feed me AND I need to know what it says.

This summer I am choosing to spend a lot of time learning what it looks like to have the characteristics of a Proverbs 31 woman. There are a lot of practical skills that I am completely devoid of, so I am attempting to develop them. While I am at home, I am trying to learn as much from my mom as I can. She has all these skills! I don't know if she didn't want to teach me or (more likely) I didn't want to learn, but its happening now so better late than never. She has been attempting to teach me how to use the sewing machine. My sewing skills are still pretty much non-existent but I have managed to make an apron and a skirt.

I am so thankful that I get to use this time for these purposes.

What a sweet summer.

Posted in: on Tuesday, June 29, 2010 at at 3:43 PM 0 comments    

I don't even know where to begin...

Ok, let's go back a couple of weeks. I am now going and hopefully soon joining New Life. Everyone there is simply amazing and I already feel such encouragement through this community. The bad part: Everyone is wonderful. Which translated means: I probably am not wonderful, Godly, or knowledgable enough. Which gives you a glimpse into my heart.

There are some very ugly and me-centered things in my heart. I want to be great. I want to be told I am great. I want validation from people. None of those things line up with scripture. Not one.

God is showing me just what he has to do with me. Major surgery. Scooping away my desires and filling me with His instead. Picture a canteloupe. Or pumpkin. Those things are so gross and slimy on the inside.

It will be a life long battle for me. Good thing he is so faithful.

The main thing I have realized through all of this: my sin comes from somewhere. Every single sinful thought I have grows from a very dark root called: not trusting God, not loving God, not enjoying God, not believing God, etc.

Sometimes it makes me incredibly discouraged. I am so stinking filthy what will God ever do with this nasty heart of mine. Other times, I find joy in the fact that God knows all of my thoughts and still loves me perfectly because of Jesus.

Go look up Romans 5:20. I am clinging to Paul's words.

Books that God has used to teach me about this subject: Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges, When I Don't Desire God by John Piper.

Posted in: on Saturday, June 19, 2010 at at 2:59 PM 0 comments    

Posted in: on Thursday, June 17, 2010 at at 8:59 PM 0 comments    

I have tamed the beast. And by tamed I mean endured. And by endured I mean I survived.

Highlights of my day:

I didn't get lost on the way there. I did cry though, but it was the good kind. Where my tears fall down as I realize God is once again healing the brokenness in my soul (which I will explain later... maybe).

I am convinced that part of the test is figuring out which building the LSAT will be administered in. I asked a longhorn for help... only because I didn't see the applique cow head on his shirt before I got his attention. He didn't know so I felt a little justified.

I peed five times in the 30 minutes I had before starting the test.

Once in the testing room, I got a good 20 minutes to people watch the future lawyers. Several people were putting in eye drops and stretching. Some were just staring blankly. Others were discussing horror stories of past LSATs.

And then after a mere 2hr 55min test and a 35 min essay, I was done. I practically ran back to my car, I was so desperate to be as far away from that experience as possible.

And that's it. Until I get my score.

Posted in: on Tuesday, June 8, 2010 at at 8:38 PM 0 comments    

I woke up this morning with my heart beating really fast. One of those days where you immediately realize exactly what is going to happen today. Like Christmas. I am about to leave for Prairie View A&M University to take my LSAT. I really don't want to be anxious. But I would be lying if I said I wasn't. And my heart is beating way too fast for anyone to believe that I am perfectly calm.

I don't even think that I will be using this score, in light of all that God has shown me about family and my role as a biblical woman.

Still my heart beats fast. I think it's because I don't know what this day means.

Posted in: on Monday, June 7, 2010 at at 8:18 AM 0 comments    

Yesterday was my last day. I am not terribly sad about leaving SteinMart. Although I will miss the money. And the smell of the chinese buffet next door - weird but true.

Working in retail gives you a lot of interesting moments. Like the time when a lady walked out in a completely see through shirt without the appropriate undergarments to get the attention of a sales associate. She attracted some other attention as well. You get a lot of boring moments as well, because there are only so many times you can dust the shelves in a day. Stressful moments don't happen that often, but when they do they are quite unforgettable. Like the time I accidentally stole $34.00 dollars from a lady. Thinking about it still makes me want to cry. My coworkers were quite an interesting collection of people, but always kind and all too willing to share their opinion of the days events. Definitely, one of my favorite moments would have to be me begging one of my managers to pull the splinter out of my foot. She was very sympathetic, but not helpful.

All in all, a successful six weeks.

Posted in: on Saturday, June 5, 2010 at at 9:26 PM 0 comments