Because God is Love.

So I was laying down in bed reading my bible and as I was reading; something pulled me to two particular passages. 2 Corinthians 11:16-30 and Phillipians 4:10-13. I read this and just began thinking over and over again, Paul is absolutely crazy. Not crazy as in I think he is a lunatic, but he is just seriously wild! Just reading through these passages, I can't help at be amazed at the God who gave Paul the strength to endure 2 Corinthians 11: 23-29 with the attitude of Phillipians 4:10-13. Paul had a real encounter with God and that radically changed his life. He immediately went from the guy persecuting to the one who was being persecuted the most; so much so that his persecutions and weaknesses are what he felt like he could boast in! What a crazy life change. One experience with God and his life was not the same. What does that say about our God? His revelation to Paul will affect us as long as bibles are read. What does that say about Paul? One look at God and he simply could not stay the same. What does that say about me? I feel like every day there is a war going on in my soul between my flesh and my spirit. But if anything I can take comfort in the fact that for Paul, one look at God was enough to make him go crazy.

Posted in: on Saturday, July 18, 2009 at at 10:21 PM 0 comments    

Every once in a while I just get this overwhelming feeling that I am meant for more. I am meant to do great things, to move mountains, to see miracles happen, to win souls, to live one of those lives that people talk about in stories, maybe I will even be a sermon illustration one day. And then after I feel my heart fill with the hope of all the great things in store for my life; I hear a voice inside my head that says, "This is wrong. You should not be hoping for a great life for yourself, but simply to serve God no matter how humbly." Everything I began to dream of comes crashing down as I hear the voice chide me for my selfishness, for my stupidity. In my head I know that serving God will always be filled with beauty and adventure, wherever you are and whatever you might be doing, but still I can feel my heart yearning to be used in some mighty way, to be a participant in some grand adventure. And so I opened my bible, to see what God had to speak to my restless heart.

31 For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
32 It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
33 He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great.

The phrase, "You stoop down to make me great" kept repeating over and over again in my head. How could David say that? Doesn't he know it is not about him? How can God be ok with that?
From the preceding verses you can tell that David totally gets that life is completely about God. So how can he say that the Lord of the Universe stoops down to make him [David] great? I don't know. But I do know that if David, called a man after God's own heart, said it, then it can't be wrong. I know if it is printed in the bible then it is the living and active word of God sharper than a double-edged sword. I am still so overwhelmed by that statement. But I think I am going to make these verses my prayer. I will let you know how it turns out.

Posted in: on at at 11:05 AM 0 comments    

There is nothing like a combination of night terrors and a roommate on vacation to make a person, feel utterly and completely alone. Even as I am writing this my heart feels weirdly tight and is beating too fast and I could easily throw up or cry. But even when Sarah is here I still have been irrationally fearful. So I have been coping by waiting until two or three when I am so exhausted I can barely even move, to go up to bed and then read for a while.. And then after about ten minutes I fall asleep with the light on. About 545 when the sun rises, I get out of bed and turn off the light because now that the sun is up, things are suddenly much safer. And then I can sleep until I need to get up for work. This has been my routine for the past couple of weeks. Yesterday I was watching a Hillsong video on youtube for one of my favorite songs, You'll Come, and one of the singers read the inspiration for the song in Hosea 6.

Hosea 6:1-3
"Come, let us return to the Lord. He has torn us to pieces but he will heal us; he has injured us but he will bind up our wounds. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us;, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun will rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth."

The lyrics from the song are "As surely as the sun will rise, you'll come to us, as certain as the dawn appears". I know how it feels to sit there and wait for morning. To pray that I will live to see the sun rise again. As surely as the sun will rise, He will come to me. How incredible is it that God is using my irrational fear, to teach me about his faithfulness. To show me that because the sun will rise, I can trust Him.

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Posted in: on Sunday, June 21, 2009 at at 9:24 PM 0 comments    

So apparently I am to the age where people decide I need a significant other. It's really funny to me, because I am perfectly happy being single right now. I love having an undivided heart so I can give more of my attention to God! This has been such a great time of learning to trust Him and his plan. It's so great to see how God has changed me because before this past year at college, I would have been feeling the same way, like I need to be dating someone. So as a youth intern we are leading bible studies for the junior high and senior high students, and our first talk is in two weeks and it is about who God is to us and so as I was just meditating on that I just realized how powerful that is. If I believe God is who He says He is: omnipotent, all-knowing, love, truth, just, merciful; then I can trust his plan for my life, whether that includes a special someone or not. That is so freeing! I don't have to worry about my life, because I know the God of the universe loves me and knows what is best for my life.
I love being here. I love my job. I love these students. I love the people I work with. I am already sad that I am going to have to leave at the end of the summer.

Posted in: on Saturday, June 13, 2009 at at 10:30 AM 0 comments    

So something I have realized in the three days I have been here is that I am awful at accepting ministry. I would rather do things myself then let people take over. But that is so not how it's meant to be! By trying to do everything, I am robbing people of the chance to use their God given gift! My host, Sarah and her mom are incredible with the gift of hospitality! I have been seriously blown away by their desire to make sure that I am comfortable and to serve me in the background, while I go and serve the youth. Today I am leaving for the youth retreat and when I came home from church in a rush trying to get things ready, I noticed on the counter a pile of little necessities Sarah got me like bug repellent, sun screen, my favorite flavor crystal light, etc. I have been so blessed in just these three days. Exciting things are to come this summer :)

Posted in: on Sunday, May 31, 2009 at at 11:51 AM 0 comments    

So yesterday I left Arlington to move to the Woodlands for the summer. I know a grand total of four people that live in the Woodlands. So as I was driving down I started panicking for a moment (a moment = a grand total of 87 miles) because I don't know anyone, including the lady who I am staying with who could possibly be a murderer (but isn't), I don't know what I am doing, I don't know my way around...you get the picture. So I sat there worrying and driving and listening to my ipod on shuffle, and then this song came on by Spur58 All To My God and King and you know how you can listen to something over and over and then randomly you understand it and how great and powerful the lyrics are? Well, that totally happened.

All to my God and King
It's the glory of your majesty
It's the mystery of your love for me
My heart will say, my heart will sing
You are the Christ, you are the King
I find my worth in your majesty
I find myself in you've captured me

So great! I listened to it on repeat for a while so I could just soak it up! Moving to the Woodlands, is not about me. My life, is not about me. It is all for my God and King! And I just realized how freeing that is. I don't have to be great. I don't have to strive to accomplish something awesome or earn a lot of money. My God is already great. He is awesome. So if I make my life about him then I become awesome by default. So it's ok that I am moving to a city of strangers because it's not about me, it's about Him.

Posted in: on Saturday, May 30, 2009 at at 5:47 PM 0 comments    

because i stayed up late last night taking care of a sick lucy, i took a nap today and now it is almost four and i am not tired. so here are some random things about me:

I judge people's knees. I don't really know why. There are some I just don't like.
I want a happy ending. always.
I wish I had a style. I just wear whatever, but usually I end up looking like a grandma.
I am all over the place. My mind just doesn't really work one step at a time.
I love to read. Right now russian literature is my favorite i.e. Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky...
I have totally irrational night fears.
I cannot watch scary movies. If I do I will usually stay up all night because everytime I close my eyes I see the images in my head.
I am not a fan of dolls or stuffed animals. Give me living things.
I love photography but I have zero skill. zero.
I would prefer not to play than to be yelled at by competitive people.
I drink way too much diet dr.pepper. My heart will one day explode.
I get ready pretty fast for a girl. thirty minutes max. except formals.
I love moms. They are just so wise and so giving.
I like to think about what Jesus would be like if he was here (physically) today.
I am afraid of authority figures, generally. Pastors, professors, etc.
I sleep a lot. And I wish I slept more. I am pretty sure that I need ten hours a night to function at my best.

That's all.

Posted in: on Sunday, May 24, 2009 at at 1:54 AM 0 comments