weeping willow.

This is an unprecedented second blog post in the same day.

Lately, everytime I hear of the way God is moving in people's lives I just want to break down and weep. I don't know why. Maybe God is trying to change my personality into a more feminine one. It would be nice to not feel like a robot. But I digress; I am kind of concerned that my inability to cry stems from some subconscious pride. Like I don't want to cry because I am not willing to be broken. I sincerely hope that is not the case. I want to be so fragile in His hands.

Posted in: on Sunday, March 28, 2010 at at 9:32 PM 0 comments  

not finished with me yet

So a lot of what I have been thinking about lately, is what kind of person/friend/neighbor (and God-willing wife/mother) I want to become. The answer is simple: I want to be the awesomest one ever. Please excuse my humility. But really, here are some characteristics that I realized are so important to me:

Hospitality- I want to be able to share my home with anyone and everyone. If you have ever been my Sunday School teacher then I have invaded your house unannounced from time to time to talk or play games (one of my favorite memories ever is of playing Loaded Questions with the Olivers one night) or maybe even steal your food. I love that and I am so thankful for that time. I want to be the person that greets everyone who enters my house with a hug, because I want them to know how sincerely glad I am to be spending time and sharing my home with them.

Healthy - I wholeheartedly wish that my parents had made an effort to teach me to eat well from an early age. Maybe then I wouldn't have such a pension for sweet tea or really, sweet anything. I am just lucky that I didn't end up to be a whale. I really love to cook so if I have a family they will be taught to eat and love my healthy cooking from a early age. (I totally plan on being the mom that sends their whole family (husband included) with homemade lunches including an embarrassing note declaring my love for them.)

Holy - This is all God's doing, but for my part I do not want to do anything that detracts from his purification of the scum that I am. Which means, maybe not watching all of the TV shows or movies that I would want to watch, because I know that hearing the f-bomb 50 thousand times makes me start thinking the f-bomb in my head and God forbid I actually say that word and then inevitably the children (that I may or may not have) will repeat it often and loudly, especially in church. I want to live in a way that reflects my belief that God is absolutely the best choice and He is the only thing that is good.

Happy (Joyful) - So here is my confession: I am prone to negativity. It doesn't happen often, but when it does... So I want to make the choice to not dwell on the negative (even if it's totally valid). Not everyone needs to or wants to know what I am going through. Better yet, I want to surround myself with reminders of the positive: all the wonderful things that God has done for us. And I shouldn't even need that, because he died on the cross for me. Seriously, what more can I ask for?

Posted in: on at at 10:11 AM 0 comments  

spring... it's when madness begins




So I don't know exactly what happens in spring time but it makes everyone go crazy. All of a sudden it turns into dating season and you can't turn a corner without seeing someone you know getting engaged. Everyone else who doesn't already have a lucky someone is on the prowl. Also, swimsuit season is quickly approaching and everyone and their mom is at the gym working on that bikini bod. For me the exact opposite happens. Something about spring inspires a great laziness in me. All of the motivation I had to do well in school during the fall, is replaced by the motivation to do nothing but lay around outside and read or sleep. I love love love listening to the birds singing. On saturday morning, I seriously just sat on the couch listening to them for about 20 minutes. I probably love it so much because every Disney Princess had a special relationship with birds.

Posted in: on Thursday, February 25, 2010 at at 2:15 PM 0 comments  

the fruits of student labor




So it has been really weird because this semester I don't get test anxiety before I go take the test, I get it when I am about to look at my grade. My heart starts pounding and I immediately feel like I need to throw up.(This used to happen before my tests last semester, which was kind of awesome because my anxiety attacks pretty much eliminated my need for caffeine. Sadly, they have gone away pre-test) So, I just finished my 5th test within the last six days which means that I am about to go through the special torture of waiting and then looking at my grades. Since this a blog, and you can't see me I will just explain my reactions in way more detail than you would care to know:


A - One of the BEST feelings in the world. I usually smile for a good ten minutes and then I am compelled to tell someone, so they can share in my glory.


B - My thought when I see a B is "it could be worse" and slight disappointment.


C - This letter usually fills me with regret over either 1) not spending enough time studying or 2) spending so much time studying when I was obviously doomed to fail anyway.


D - I wish that I could say that I have never ever seen one of these before. I think I have had two since college started. Any time I see this ugly little half circle that is ironically used for a really smily face, I contemplate both dropping out of college and dying from stupidity.


F - I honestly think my heart would stop beating if this would ever appear on one of my papers and/or tests.

Posted in: on Monday, February 15, 2010 at at 1:30 PM 0 comments  

MAX SPEED



Sometimes I have this compelling need to run. I don't mean like go for a jog, I mean like run as hard and as fast and as long as I physically can until something inside of me breaks and I have to stop. The weather keeps stopping me from this run. I have tried to do it inside on a treadmill or elliptical but it is definitely not the same. Today the elliptical machine kept flashing MAX SPEED and making me slow down. When you run outside there is nothing that tells you to stop or that you are going to fast. I don't know this for sure, but I am pretty sure speed limits don't apply to runners. Another thing that keeps holding me back is timing. More often than not, I am overcome with the desperate need to run sometime between midnight and two in the morning, which of course is night time and when all the scary people come out. So I hope the weather clears up soon, because I am ready to run.

Posted in: on Saturday, February 13, 2010 at at 11:12 PM 0 comments  

vote for me





So I have to write an essay on a public policy issue, and I chose hunger because it describes me like 75% of the time. What I found shocked me. Every five seconds a child dies from hunger. I have been sitting here for the last hour regretting the 2 1/2 brownies I ingested. In the last hour 667 children have died. I am so sad. I am halfway debating getting a part time job so that I could hopefully earn enough money to support a Compassion child. Then maybe only 15,999 children would die that day.

So I have decided that my first official act as Queen of the world will be to make all healthy food free. Free vegetables, free fruit, free meat, free whole grains, and free dairy products. The only food that you will have to pay for is top of the pyramid food, like soda, candy, cookies, white bread, etc. If you like this plan, then vote for me to be Queen of the world!

Posted in: on Sunday, January 31, 2010 at at 9:43 PM 0 comments  

seldom, very seldom does complete truth belong to any human disclosure...


I have just finished reading Emma, by Jane Austen. How I long to return to those days where the activity of each day was based principally on friendly visits! I love how women were valued for their education and seen to better the person they were marrying, while at the same time being subject to their husband. But most of all, I love the relationship between Mr. Knightley and Emma. I love how he entreats her to remember that at all times her actions are influential and he urges her to be the very best woman she can be. I love how she freely speaks her mind to him, but retains manners befitting a lady. I love that they value the compassion in each other and are constantly encouraged by the actions of the other. What a cute couple.

Posted in: on Saturday, January 30, 2010 at at 9:14 PM 0 comments  

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