the almost ready


Sometimes i just really hate being in college. I mean I totally love learning. Like really love it. But then I look around me at all that is going on and I want to be able to do something, to help in some way. Let's face it, I can't help financially, we are called poor college students for a reason. The next thing people always ask for is prayer. To be totally honest praying does not feel like doing a whole lot to me. Being asked to pray feels like being asked to sit on the sidelines and watch someone else run the race. Do they not know that I like to run too? (metaphorically speaking, definitely not literally) I have always heard the term prayer warrior without really knowing what it meant. I am hoping that over the course of my lifetime, God will teach me.

Posted in: on Sunday, January 24, 2010 at at 7:23 PM 0 comments  

training my brain to shut up


So one thing that I absolutely love about Elisabeth Elliot is that whenever she is worried or anxious about anything she just journals a butt load of bible verses. How smart is that? Basically what she is doing is telling God that his words are more important than her worried thoughts. I am desperately trying to learn this technique. If there is anything I have learned this year is that I do not handle stress very well. The minute I start thinking about the object of my worry, my heart begins racing and does not stop until I can begin working on a solution to my worry. While these panic attacks are great for late night study sessions, I am pretty sure that they are bad for my body and for my spiritual life. So I am in the process of training my brain, to spit out all my worrisome thoughts, and treasure all the verses that are useful for training in righteousness.
Here are my current brain shut up verses:
Job 42: 2 I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted.
Hebrews 11: 40 God had planned something better for us...
2 Corinthians 5:2 Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling...
Revelation 21: 3-4 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

Posted in: on Sunday, January 17, 2010 at at 11:59 PM 0 comments  

the woes of a scatterbrain

in an effort to save money i decided to buy some of my school books off of amazon.com, but this was negated when i forgot and went to the store and bought the EXACT SAME BOOK at the bookstore. as soon as i realized this, i immediately began searching for my receipt. i had a vivid memory of sitting on my couch, looking at the receipt and thinking i need to put this in a safe place. so i looked in every safe place imaginable, from my wallet to every single trashcan and i could not find it. after an hour of searching, i was wondering if i started crying in the bookstore if they would take pity on me. just as i was about to drive to the bookstore, i look down and on the floor of my car was the receipt i was looking for the entire time.

The weirdest part is I still had that memory of sitting on my couch and looking at the receipt.

It's kind of scary to realize that your thoughts lie to you. And as much as I try to protest, I really can't trust myself. I can't trust myself to distinguish right from wrong or to distinguish reality from illusions.

1 Corinthians 1: 25
the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.

Posted in: on Tuesday, January 12, 2010 at at 6:11 PM 0 comments  

new years thoughts

So I didn't start thinking far enough in advance this year to make new years resolutions actually on new years, but I am sure it will still count.

I want to be more consistent in every area of my life.
I want to consistently read and learn the Bible,
I want to finally establish a good sleeping schedule,
I want to exercise and eat healthy not to lose weight, but to take care of my temple and hopefully avoid anymore costly trips to the emergency room,
I want to be a good steward of my money and learn to be content with what I have.
I want to get more involved both at church and on campus.
I want to commit to a craft, too many things in my life are half-finished.
I want to be able to take risks because more often than not I chicken out on applying for things I want because I don't believe I will get it.
I want to develop better relationships with my professors, I have managed to avoid being yelled at thus far so I bet it probably won't happen.
I want to develop a wider variety of friends, I don't want to be narrow minded or limited with my friendships

My psychology professor would say that none of these are good resolutions because they can't be measured, but I did it that way intentionally. I don't want my resolutions to be a rulebook or a recipe for a better me. I just want to be mindful of things that are important to me.

Posted in: on Monday, January 4, 2010 at at 1:03 PM 0 comments  

more than the cross

I was really convicted in church yesterday because I realized how often I disregard the cross. Oh I have heard that a thousand times... another gospel message...I hope others are learning from this... Arrogant thoughts such as these float through my mind a little more often than I would like to admit. But what more do I really want? The whole foundation of Christianity is the cross. Why would I assume that I know so much about it that I don't have to listen? I admit that most often I look at "the words of human wisdom" that Paul says "empty the cross of its power" (1 Corinthians 1:17) I tend to assume that words of human wisdom are a little more realistic, forgetting that Jesus Christ was fully man while fully God. I focus on things that are only real while we are on this earth, forgetting that Christ is the ultimate reality and that the spiritual realities I am so ignorant of are eternal. The cross is pretty important. I should act like it.

Posted in: on Monday, September 14, 2009 at at 2:10 PM 0 comments  

the screwtape letters

ok so i am reading the screwtape letters by c.s. lewis and i am totally loving it! i think reading this book is going to be a yearly habit for me... but something that frustrates me to no end is that every single chapter I can look at something the demons do to distract us from their "Enemy", also known as our Saviour, and say that I have fallen for it. How silly am I to let Satan distract me from the God of the universe?

Posted in: on Thursday, August 27, 2009 at at 9:16 PM 0 comments  

backwards

why is it that whenever I come home, I am suddenly lazy and tired?
i sleep forever
and i neglect to spend time in the word of God.
I need it here more than ever.
the people I have the hardest time sharing the love of Christ with have my same last name.
and we live under the same roof.
if ever i long for a miracle to occur, it would be right here
within these stubborn walls and this bond of blood that ties me to my family
if ever i need to learn to love people it would be my family.
for some reason i just hold them to a much higher standard than i hold anyone else
and it hurts me every time they fail
why does my forgiveness tank run empty every time they need some?

O Lord, teach me to love, truly love this family you have given me. It was not my choice at all, but You tell me that You are infinitely wise and powerful and Your ways are much higher than mine so I trust that you put me in this position for a reason. I hope in my lifetime I understand a little of why that is. But You are God, and I am not.

Posted in: on Saturday, August 8, 2009 at at 8:43 PM 0 comments  

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